Postpartum & losing a baby

Pregnancy can be hard on its own, but when the complications arrive, women claim that they have experienced a roller-coaster of emotions.

On our blog, we have already written about miscarriage, which you can read more about here. 

We have also talked about stillbirth, and why it may happen, and shared some other useful information as well.

Here, we want to talk about women who went through pregnancy and didn't get ''their reward'' in the end. The main point of this blog post will be about what women go through, and how you can help them in this hard period of their life. Of course, if you are that woman, I will share other useful advice.

1. Pregnancy is a hard work. If your beloved wife or someone you know lost a baby after their pregnancy, you must understand how they feel. They are very disappointed because pregnancy really is hard work. ''All that work and what did they get me - why I did do it'' is a common sentence you can hear on Instagram reels these days and can be about literally anything in life. We saw women who have experienced losing a child after full-term pregnancy feel that way too. Understand that they are very disappointed, can be very angry at life, but also feel lost and desperate. Overall, a woman who loses a baby will feel like life isn't fair. Don't try to tell her how she has to grieve and in what way she should do it. Just provide support when needed. 

2. Staying in the hospital without the baby. When you give birth, but don't get a baby, you may find it very hard to stay in the hospital even for a few days. For example, if you are in a room with other women who have healthy babies and who are happy because of that, you won't even have enough space to grieve. We recommend asking for a separate room, if possible. 

3. Hormones and emotions. Everyone knows that even when the pregnancy ends well, there will be a lot of hormones going up and down, together with emotions. The main point is to find support - even a phone call with your best friend can be useful. Have a need to express yourself and your feelings? You can join our art section - it has helped a lot of bereaved parents cope with their sadness, shock, and fury. 

4. Weight gain. This may sound like no problem, but women who have lost a child after the pregnancy claim that they got depressed due to pregnancy weight gain, while they got nothing in return for all that. If your wife has gained a lot of weight during the pregnancy, please understand how she feels about it. She has ''sacrificed'' her body to create a new life, but instead, all that she got are the negative effects of the pregnancy and the grief for her entire life. 

5. Hair loss. Some women also said that they couldn't bear with post-partum hair loss. Again, we have a negative side-effect of pregnancy, but no baby. Once again, people must understand that pregnancy really comes with hard work, and it is very much harder when you lose a child after all that. 

6. Breastfeeding. Your milk will unfortunately arrive. We believe that the best would be to consult your doctor about stopping breast milk. It can be done with pills or some other medication. Don't neglect that because you can get mastitis. 

7. Arranging a funeral. Maybe your family will have to arrange the funeral for the baby. This is not mandatory in most countries, but parents usually decide to do it this way. What is important to remember here is that everyone else should do the work about it and arrange the funeral, but not the mother. In these situations, people forget that the mother is actually going through a post-partum period and that she needs a lot of time to rest and recover. 

8. Physical recovery. Providing support is a must after delivering a baby. A woman will probably have a wound and will need to get the best recovery possible. It is important that she doesn't force herself to act like everything is normal and that nothing has happened. 

9. C-section. If you had a C-section, your recovery will be even longer. Women who lose a child are usually advised to think about the next pregnancy as soon as possible. Doctors believe that it can be helpful for some women. Yet, don't force yourself about anything. Some women can't wait to get pregnant again after losing a baby - they believe the new baby will help them relieve the pain. Other groups of women don't want to even think about pregnancy. The main point here is to remind yourself to respect every decision.

When it comes to C-sections, it wouldn't be advisable to stay pregnant for at least one year. Anyway, it would be best that you consult with your doctor about that decision. 

10. Taking care. Take care of the mother who has lost a baby and always try to offer practical help. It can be anything, even those small daily tasks would drag her a lot of energy she needs to save for her recovery. 

All these mentioned important facts are not written in order. The point of that was to show you that now all women who have lost their babies are the same. Some will have problems with certain things, while others may find other problems bigger and harder for them to cope.

If you are a mother who has lost a child and feel like no one understands you, feel free to join our forum and find the needed support.