If you know someone who has recently lost a child, try to avoid telling them these sentences
May-2024
Besides finding it hard to find a piece within yourself, after loss of a child you'll also experience countless problems in marriage.
Although many have claimed that couples who lose a child have high divorce risks, we now know that it's a myth that the percentage is that high.
Only 16% of couples get divorced after a loss of a child, and most of them said that the loss wasn't the main reason. The reason is usually problems with finances or huge gaps between characters that become even more visible when a tragedy such as this one happens.
If you understand what can happen, it will be easier for you to take care of your relationship and keep it away from falling apart.
You'll probably experience these situations in marriage after a loss of a child:
You'll express grief differently - and that's completely fine. Everyone mourns in their own way. I love to say that there is no proper way of grieving because there truly isn't. Some will want to face everything at once, while others will want to run away from some problems and their feelings for a while.
Men tend to have a longer anger phase in the grieving process, while women will mostly feel guilty for a longer period of time.
Try to understand that your partner is grieving in a different manner and accept that. Don't try to shape their grief on your own terms. Ask them to understand your grieving process as well and to respect it.
Therefore, this all leads us to the part where you'll have to communicate about your feelings. It's okay not wanting to talk about it all the time, but at least find a moment to share your thoughts with a beloved partner. You can't read each other's mind.
2. Alone time. You'll both crave alone time, and the problem comes when your alone time isn't compatible with theirs. Try to respect your partner's needs as much as possible, and ask them to do the same for you. Planning can help you to spend some time together. Think about some activities you can do as a couple - that will bring you closer, and you'll feel like a couple again. Such an activity shouldn't be linked to grief and loss.
3. Working long hours. What do we do when we want to escape the reality? Yes, we work extra long hours trying to keep our minds super busy. Men tend to work longer after the loss of a child. Know it's their coping mechanism, but talk about it.
*The most important aspect of every healthy marriage is talking things through. When communication fails or doesn't exist, that's when the real problems start appearing.
4. Taking care of your home and your family. You may feel that you are working more in the house or taking better care of your family, while your partner is only taking care of themselves. Try to understand if they are feeling fine enough to take more responsibilities and share your feelings. Don't stay mad and alone - talk it through.
5. When libido drops... Sex drive will also get a bit problematic after the loss of a child. So many bad emotions will make you forget about sex - completely. Bereaved parents usually told me that they didn't match their libido and desires. Maybe it's good to plan your romantic night ahead. Don't let your marriage break because of a lack of intimacy.
6. Finding comfort somewhere else. One partner may feel that the other partner doesn't understand how they feel, so they'll try to find comfort somewhere else and talk to other people. It's completely okay to want support from a friend, a relative, or a family member. Yet, if you don't understand each other this may even end up in the affair. Some partners get really tired of the other partner's grief, so you'll think about finding another shoulder you can cry on.
7. Financial issues. This is especially true if your child has been ill for quite a while and you had extra costs of care. Besides that, the funeral also costs a lot, and you probably haven't been working for a while, recovering from the shock phase.
The best would be to write down all your expenses. Getting rid of debt first is the best thing you can do.
8. Understanding each other. With time, you'll learn more about your partner's patterns of grief, and they'll learn about yours too. So, yes, it gets better and easier with time, and results in the next fact.
9. Becoming stronger. You'll become very close and super strong together. You'll not only meet your partner completely but also meet yourself and understand how you two can communicate the best. Your love will grow and become stronger.
If you've experienced the loss and went through it with your partner and have some other experience you would like to share, you can add it in the comment section and we will put it on the number 10 fact on our list.
