If you know someone who has recently lost a child, try to avoid telling them these sentences
May-2024
When it comes to the loss of a child, every grieving process may seem complicated to people around you. Of course that they cannot truly understand the burden you're carrying.
And it's true, it is really not the same to experience a death of a loved one and a death of a child. When the child dies, we cannot easily process such information and tragedy because that's not how nature functions.
Nature says that the old should die first, not the young ones. Therefore, you'll feel like something is not right in the Universe - like the order doesn't exist within such a tragedy. And you're right - it doesn't exist and it is not fair at all.
How to know if you're experiencing complicated grief? Psychologists and similar experts may tell you that complicated grief can affect your life in many bad ways, including damaging your both mental and physical health.
For us, who have been through this tragedy, complicated grief may include:
1. Not being able to complete basic daily obligations and stuff. You quit your job, don't take care of your looks, and don't mind if you get a medical condition. When the grief is complicated, you'll feel that literally everything becomes very hard to do - even grocery shopping. You don't have any motivation to complete any basic daily tasks.
2. Suffering from addiction. If suffering from addiction has become your new daily reality, it may mean that you are trying to find some easier ways to get through the day. Addictions are very common among bereaved parents who don't have support and anyone to understand them and help.
3. Constant survival mode. It seems like every day just needs to pass away. You're living your life in a survival mode, wondering when all this will finally end.
4. Giving up on life and losing all interests and hobbies. Complicated grief comes with the inability to enjoy all those things that once mattered a lot to you. You lost all interest. You're careless about that stuff and just waiting for the day to pass.
5. Suicidal thoughts. The last but the most severe sign is getting suicidal thoughts. You're starting to think about "the end strategy" and how to take away your own life. The thoughts are becoming possessive and that becomes your daily thinking activity that just won't let go.
Know that all these mentioned facts can occur at some part of your grieving process, which doesn't automatically mean that you're experiencing complicated grief.
How can you know then when the grieving process is truly complicated? If the states mentioned above last for a long period of time - for years, and you don't feel any better and don't have any progress. When you realize that every day is becoming just worse, that's when we bereaved parents talk about complicated grief.
You can also know that your sadness has overwhelmed you when even medications don't help and when professional help doesn't mean anything to you. Luckily, a lot of bereaved parents who experience complicated grief haven't even sought professional help yet, and when they do, they finally find help and feel relief. That's when their life will start improving once again and when they'll be able to enjoy in some daily activities. For example, you'll once again be able to enjoy the taste of your favorite cake, or to enjoy a hobby that once meant a lot for you.
